IKEA Balls
I am as guilty as many of you. I, too, have been salivating at the headlines announcing IKEA having sold meatballs containing horse meat. But is it really such a bad thing to have horse meat in the meatballs? Do they taste differently? Are they contaminated by something that will pose a health hazard? I think not.
My imagination is probably vivid, but even I am not grossed out by the thought of maybe eating horse meat in my IKEA köttbullar, as long as they taste good. I do not imagine Black Beauty running through a meadow or some cute pony grazing as I spear my meatballs in IKEA’s functional and efficient eating area. IKEA’s meatballs could contain people meat and I would chew them with relish—as long as I am not shortened my allotment of potatoes, and lingonberries remain part of the lunch experience.
Why should we be concerned about this supposed “contamination” of meat? Every time I try to assemble the furniture with the gender- and wordless instructions my flesh and the wooden products of IKEA become one. We are a covenant of curse, flesh, and blood, the distinct design of the furniture covered by a torpor of blood. Makes me want to believe in God, if only I could assemble my furniture in peace and without pain, physical or mental.
IKEA should worry more about their furniture instructions than whether the meatballs have horse in them or not.
Do we ever hear from an IKEA spokesperson addressing the non-functionality of instructions that are to produce functionality? Let’s take the words of an IKEA spokesperson about horse meat and make a substitution (I translate from an Expressen article published February 25, 2013): “We have stopped the sale of furniture [meatballs] from this Swedish producer.” And: “Swedish warehouses have not received part of this shipment of furniture [meatballs], but we are discontinuing sales just to be on the safe side.”
How reassuring. IKEA will not send out any more furniture until it can be safely assembled. And while we are on the subject of pleasing the consumer, let’s drag in the Marabou chocolate controversy, you know, our inability to obtain Marabou chocolate at IKEA stores in the U.S. and have to make do with some kind of store brand instead.
Where is an honest spokesperson to be found? Tell us why you will not provide us with Marabou, IKEA. You think meatballs containing horse meat can come even close to the mental anguish your customers are experiencing not being able to obtain Marabou chocolate at your U.S. stores?
I know, I know. It is all too easy to pick on giant corporations. It has even become fashionable these days. Mandatory in some circles. So, if we let you hear from us via Twitter, IKEA founder who has turned over the business to your sons, will you instruct your public relations people to undo the “damage” done by horse meatballs for sale at your venerable stores by making instructions that will make people stop bleeding and have some time left over during the weekend when they have entered the labyrinthine horror of IKEA furniture assembly?
I await your new instruction book, iPad app please, and while you’re at it, send me some Marabou and meatballs. I really don’t mind if they contain horse meat.
Fika with IKEA anyone?
2 comments:
Meatballer | April 30, 2013 SuperSwede once again presents a heads or tails analysis.
One clear distinction of civilization - albeit self-imposed in our own idealized western society - is that one does not eat what one considers a pet. After all -- guinea pigs are a delicacy in Peru but a pet in northern climes. Dogs are mans best friend but not as hot dog substitute for the wiener craving crowds among us. Pony or mustang -- either way -- not meant to be ground up despite lower fat/higher protein content claims. Besides -- just because the French do it -- do we really want to copy that?
stan | April 30, 2013 I too have had the meatballs at Ikea. I believe they are sauteed in a sauce consisting of Gevalia and sherry.
Umm...Umm...Good!
|
SuperSwede
With a foot on each side of the Atlantic SuperSwede will keep all of us - Swedes, Americans and Swedish Americans alike - on track. |